who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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