He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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