I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
