Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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