Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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