How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
