I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
