Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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