When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
