Sry I called you an 8
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
