rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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