You really coming over, don't trick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
