how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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