I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
