Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
