Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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