Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
