Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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