Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
home. puking in laundry basket.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
