Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We have started to decorate penises.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
