You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who died my cat blue again?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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