I got chris browned last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
