They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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