watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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