You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
