I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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