I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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