Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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