i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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