Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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