My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
