you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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