bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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