So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found puke in my bra..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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