Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
