we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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