she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
