If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
