I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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