I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
