my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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