She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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