90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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