I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
