Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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