I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have aggressive nipples.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
