Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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