with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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