I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
