I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
