We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
