When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
