Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Small penises have feelings too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
