guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
