smell my finger.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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